Paper Monitor: Waiting for Baby

  • 18 July 2013
Massed ranks of the media outside the hospital

Oh, to be an expectant mother when one's final week-ish of gestation takes place in a heatwave. And when everyone, but everyone, is asking when one's baby is finally going to make an appearance!

(Like it's going to be that much longer.)

But patience is a virtue few possess these days. Even the Queen - The. Queen. - wants the royal baby to arrive so she can bally well go off on holiday after wetting the infant's head.* Or, as the Daily Mirror's headline puts it: "Get a move on, Kate... I'm orf on hols".**

The Sun has a helpful infographic on ways to induce labour naturally, which bears the not-in-any-way-trying strapline "WHY ARE WE WAITING, WHY ARE WE WAITING..." The tips include "curry, weepy or nooky".

The Daily Telegraph's front page Matt cartoon has a man in a betting shop: "I'd like £5 on the Royal baby being called Godot." (Note the initial cap on "Royal baby" - very Telegraph.)

Two papers that cater to very different audiences instead opt for cartoons about new plans for a third runway at Heathrow.

  • Cartoon 1: As a departing jet takes out the chimney pot of a terraced house at the end of the runway, the homeowner looks on the bright side: "We do get regular bits of shade and a refreshing downdraft."
  • Cartoon 2: A plane in shark-like livery looms over a Middle Englander watering plants outside her half-timbered house: "Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the garden."

Can you match the paper to the cartoon? One is the Daily Mail.

Cartoon 2 is...

The Independent.

*Her Majesty did not put it quite like this.

**Or this.

You can follow the Magazine on Twitter and on Facebook