Paper Monitor: Spider senses
You are advised not to eat fruit while reading this.
Newspapers sometimes seem to offer a never-ending stream of worrying stories. Financial crisis after financial crisis, housing bubble after housing bubble. So how can they keep readers from switching off? Well, according to the Sun and the Daily Star, the answer appears to be a return to the sensationalist style of B-movie horror flicks.
Yes, now not even our supermarket fruit is safe! "World's deadliest spiders hatched out on our table and ran off over the carpet," writes the Sun. A justifiably terrified family found the deadly spiders in their bananas of all places, allowing the front page to lead with "Banana critters". The appropriately named Brazilian Wandering spiders are apparently the deadliest spiders in the world - and they've wandered, yes, wandered (a pun so obvious even the Sun thought better of it) into the very things we're always told to eat more of.
Is there nowhere safe anymore? Certainly not if you're Big Brother star Rylan Clark. "BB Rylan invaded by killer spiders," says the Daily Star. Well wishers will be relieved to know that the slightly misleading title is about his house - rather than him - being infested with false widow spiders. Initial fears that this may jeopardise Clark's hosting job on Celebrity Big Brother's Bit On The Side are believed to be unfounded.
Just as well. Readers have enough on their plate.