Why I wrote about my wife's miscarriage

Dan Majesky and wife Leah Image copyright Dan and Leah Majeski
Image caption Dan Majesky and his wife Leah are now expecting their first child in November.

Couples of a certain age, and at a certain stage in their relationship, can expect to be asked if or when they plan on having children. Last year, writer Emily Bingham urged her Facebook friends in a viral post to stop with the intrusive line of questioning. "You don't know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues," she wrote. But Dan Majesky, who works at the University of Cincinnati, took a different approach.

In a vividly detailed Facebook post, Majesky not only announced wife Leah's pregnancy but detailed the pain the couple experienced with infertility and miscarriage.

"It was initially supposed to be a private post letting our friends know that we are expecting a child," Majesky told BBC Trending, "but then we felt we had to acknowledge our miscarriage. We didn't want it to be a secret."

"We're in our thirties," Majesky wrote. "Things are probably a little bit dusty, and a little bit rusty. So, three years ago, we started using apps and calendars to track this and that. Ovulation test sticks. Old wives' tales of positions and timing. We got some late periods. And some periods that never came! But we didn't get pregnant."

He went on to talk about his wife's miscarriage. Some parts revealed the stark shock of the day; "I was so stunned when it happened that I texted my boss that I wouldn't be back that day, but that I'd be back the next, which really cracks me up now."

Other sections described the raw pain of the ordeal; "I don't think it was until around the New Year that I went a day without crying about it."

The Facebook post, which ran to more than 3,000 words, also had moments of humour.

"My job was to try and not say anything dumb, because she also needed to be calm," he went on to explain, "I tried to avoid triggering phrases like 'Hey,' or 'Good morning,' or 'I love you'".

The post, which has been liked more than 40,000 times, clearly struck a digital chord.

Image copyright Twitter

"It's not often that we hear about miscarriage and infertility. But I love that you can be so honest," commented one woman, who then went on to tell her own story of infertility. Many noted how testimonies of infertility are not often shared with a male perspective.

Image copyright Twitter

"I wrote the piece in one sitting," Majesky told us, "We decided to make the post public when our friends told us that they wanted to share it on their own Facebook walls."

As part of the Facebook post, the couple included a 15-week scan of the baby due to be born in November.

Image copyright Dan Majesky

"Although we are so very touched by the support we've received, we do still feel anxious about the pregnancy," Majesky said.

And do they have any advice for people who ask a couple if they're expecting a baby?

"Maybe ask the couple if having children is something they want. Not 'when are you having children'."

Blog by Megha Mohan

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