Trevor Noah: Best jokes of new Daily Show host
South African comedian Trevor Noah is replacing Jon Stewart on the nightly satirical show The Daily Show. Here are some of his best jokes:
On flying in the time of Ebola as a South African:
Flying has been particularly stressful for me in the recent months. Flying into America has been the worst. You go through different lines, there's extra checks. Especially if you come from what they consider a high-risk Ebola region, which apparently is the whole continent - we're all coughing on each other in one big hut.
On watching sports on TV in America:
I've never seen more focus put on sports anywhere else in the world. You worship them, you analyse them, you watch the game before the game. You talk about what happened in the game and what could've happened in the game, what didn't happen in the game. It's all statistics, you know every statistic. Then you switch over to the business channels and you're like: "Well, what's happening in the economy this year Bob?" Bob: "Well, nobody knows".
On Oprah school in South Africa:
Oprah's school has state-of-the-art everything. Well, not everything - teachers, not so much. Those kids got beatings for no reason. There was always these cases of teachers walking into class and losing their minds. "Mavis, did you do your homework? Then you're going to get a beating and because it's Oprah's school, everybody is getting one. You're getting a beating, you're getting a beating, everyone is getting a beating."
On growing up in a mixed family in South Africa during apartheid:
In the streets we couldn't even be seen together. My mum could walk with me but if the police showed up, she'd have to let go of me and drop me and pretend I wasn't hers, because we weren't supposed to exist as a family. It was horrible for me, I felt like I was a bag of weed.
On race inequality in the US:
Here's the amazing part. For South Africa to achieve that kind of black-white wealth gap, we had to construct an entire apartheid state denying blacks the right to vote or own property. But you, you did it without even trying. We trained for decades and you just waltzed in and won the gold medal.
On flying into the UK:
You have one of the most stressful border controls I've ever come into in my life. They ask you so many questions. The guy looks at me as says: "So you're a comedian, you don't look funny". So at one point I stopped and I said: "Look man I've given you the paperwork, I've told you why I'm here, why don't you believe me?" He said: "Well, the truth is, we can't just believe everybody that comes into the UK, we can't just believe that you're gonna do what you say you're here to do, you might do something totally different". I thought: "Fair enough, that makes sense. I just wish, as Africans, we'd thought of that when the British arrived, that would have served us well."