I'd like a lie down after that, but instead I'm off to write a match report.
- Stoke unchanged from side that beat Sunderland
- United make four changes, including start for Fellaini
- Man Utd, unbeaten in 16, will go fifth with victory
- Stoke unbeaten in three at home against United
- Commentary on BBC Radio 5 live
It's practically the last kick of the game. Expect to see plenty of pics of Wayne Rooney on your back pages tomorrow.
Former West Brom striker on Final Score
What a way to do it.
I am absolutely delighted for Wayne.
What an incredible way to make history!
Wayne Rooney becomes Manchester United's all-time leading goalscorer with a sublime free-kick that rescues a point.
From the left-hand corner of the box, curling into the top corner, past the despairing Lee Grant.
Stephanie G: Okay United. This is not funny any more. Next week we train how to shoot and hit the target. Shocking.
Nikhil: Rooney is playing like Fellaini in disguise, zero impact since coming on.
Richard Darko: I believe this will be Rooney's last game for United. With him, United currently looks like playing 10 against 11.
Wonderful noise in the Potteries, Stoke fans attempting to sing their team to the three points. Two minutes of added time remain.
Five minutes added on. Not welcomed by the home crowd.
In the 90th minute. Wait for the board...
Off the bar! Jesse Lingard finds space, fires in a shot from just outside the 18-yard box and sees it clatter off the top of the woodwork. It might be Stoke's day.
It's at the right end from a Stoke point of view. Erik Pieters' cross is towards Peter Crouch and eventually away for a Stoke corner. Just over five plus stoppages to go.
Mon-ia: Rooney hasn't done anything to help the team. Literally just hanging around the box for his own glory. United look lost.
Corin Wright: If United don't win this they can kiss goodbye top 4. They've looked completely uninspiring throughout the whole match.
Still we peer to the right, towards the Stoke goal. Marcus Rashford creates havoc down the left, his cross somehow turned behind for a corner by Marko Arnautovic.
Former West Brom striker on Final Score
United started very pedestrian but that has changed with Rashford and Lingard coming on.
Every time Stoke break they look dangerous and even though United have possession they aren't having chance after chance.
Yet another United effort. Paul Pogba from distance, wide of Lee Grant's goal. United have had enough chances to win two games.
Huge chance. Marcus Rashford has the freedom of Stoke-on-Trent on the left of the City box. A touch, steadies himself, but curled past the angle. That's their best effort of the second half.
Matt: This is what always happens with United. Whenever other teams drop points we go & do it too instead of trying to close the gap!
Sun for each side. Jesse Lingard on, Henrikh Mkhitaryan off for United. Stoke replace Xherdan Shaqiri with Julien Ngoy.
He cuts a lonely figure, though, Peter Crouch. Often he's the only red and white shirt not behind the ball. Bruno Martins Indi continues to head everything in sight. He'll need to put ice on his forehead tonight.
Stoke are having more moments in this second half, Peter Crouch rising in a bid to meet a cross from the left, only to be snuffed out by three blue shirts. He remains on 99 league goals...
Here he is. Wayne Rooney on, Juan Mata off. History beckons. 249 not out. Sir Bobby is watching...
Blimey, United are probably right to feel aggrieved here. Marcus Rashford one-two with Zlatan Ibrahimovic, blocked off by Ryan Shawcross. No foul given. Rashford has been a livewire since he came on. Wayne Rooney is getting ready.
Charlie Adam off, Ibrahim Afellay on. Erik Pieters has been booked for what Mark Clattenburg thought was a dive.
I'm with you. It has been curious from Zlatan. He'll still probably score, though.
Colin Reardon: Ibrahimovic looking really poor again today. Lacking belief? Why won't he pull the trigger?
Seth Gogo Egoeh: Why is Ibrahimovic playing today as if he's short on confidence? Keeps passing the ball in the 18 instead of shooting. Why?
United are screaming, claiming handball against Erik Pieters. Definite contact with the arm, but it would have been very, very harsh.
Former England forward on Final Score
The clinical pass has been missing for Man United. With Rashford and his pace it is something different for the Stoke defenders to deal with.
A sight on goal for Zlatan Ibrahimovic, played in after Paul Pogba finds space. Flag goes up, but Lee Grant makes the save anyway. The man in unpassable.
Marcus Rashford on, Marouane Fellaini off. Twitter critics are happy.
The game has opened up for Stoke, who are perhaps having their best spell - including the goal. In turn, that leaves space for United, with an Ibrahimovic cross cleared by Ryan Shawcross.
A spell of Stoke possession sees the ball nicely worked down the left to Marko Arnautovic, but he falls over the ball. Marcus Rashford is getting ready for the visitors.
The wall of red and white holds firm in the face of two Manchester United free-kicks, albeit if it is pushed almost to its own goal-line. Stoke forays into the United half are rare.
More of the same in this second half so far. United pressing, Stoke with backs to the wall. The thing is, though, United don't seem to have the nous to break through.
Match of the Day commentator
Will we see a more assertive Manchester United in the second half, or will they continue to be harassed by Stoke City?
Back under way.
Back out for the second half. Jose has ditched the scarf.
Richard Darko: I refuse to accept De Gea could do nothing. He should have kept that one out, I surely believe.
Agubata Odinaka: Carrick won't solve United's problem. They have been playing well, creating lots of chances...and missing all of them
Mwangikiara: Fellaini is what he is.....He is not however the entirety of the problem. United's finishing is and has been poor all season.
If it stays like this and Chelsea win tomorrow, United will be 15 points behind the leaders.
On the other hand, I don't remember Henrikh Mkhitaryan doing a great deal. For Stoke, Bruno Martins Indi has been a colossus.
Marouane Fellaini is getting a lot stick on Twitter. It's unjustified. He has done most to get up in support of Zlatan Ibrahimovic. If United had taken their chances, they would have been ahead. Having said that, Lee Grant has been excellent.
RegularJohn: Stoke done nothing to deserve a lead. If United could finish it'd be a different story, heck we'd probably be 2nd!