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	Katie goes down deep
	Ms Melua plans gig at bottom of North Sea

	Nine Million Botanists
	That's how many peeps could be looking at the Katie Melua tulip.

	Cool Off The Search
	Katie Melua in no stripping off or rocking out shocker.

	Melua's musical men
	Katie unlikely to date footballers

	Closest Thing To Ebay
	Katie Melua's schedule turns up in an online auction.

"I might go and look tonight. I hope they give me better t**s!"

Like, a bunch of asses? Loads of asses? Big asses everywhere?