TOTP: When was the last time you got talking to someone in a toilet?
Paolo: T in the Park. It was some random guy called George and it was about how good we thought The Who were going to be.

TOTP: And were they?
Paolo: No. I just found myself at one point disappearing to see Kasabian. I think I made the mistake of watching their 1975 L.A. performance. It's just so good that I maybe went in with my expectations too high.

TOTP: Are you the kind of person that generally starts conversations in the toilet?
Paolo: Well, it depends if the people I'm in the toilet with are in the same mood as me and in the same spirits as me and if they are, then I like talking to nice people.

TOTP: Isn't there a protocol in men's toilets?
Paolo: Emmm... try not to take too long?

TOTP: I thought there were rules about not making eye contact and not talking?
Paolo: I should hope you're making eye contact. If you're not making eye contact, where are you looking?

TOTP: So you're the kind of man that throws toilet protocol to the wind, then?
Paolo: That's it! Smash the rules!

TOTP: When was the last time that you dressed up as a lady?
Paolo: For a school uniform night in Glasgow. I had the full pop socks, skirt, school uniform. And I actually found out that my hips were quite nice.

TOTP: So you quite fancied yourself, then?
Paolo: Yeah... from the back. My legs are a bit hairy, mind.

TOTP: Well, you know how to change that...
Paolo: Ah, no. I'm not sure that I want to go down that road. The only time that I've ever shaved any part of my body, it was when I got my arms shaved to have my tattoo.

TOTP: Does hair grow back over a tattoo?
Paolo: Yeah. By looking at my head you can tell that my hair grows very fast. I've got a big huge bird's nest.

TOTP: What's your tattoo?
Paolo: It's three Texas stars. I had it done in Texas. It was sort of half-planned. I was a little drunk and I sort of ran out of money half-way through, so I only managed to get the three, whereas I wanted them to go round my forearm.

TOTP: Was it painful?
Paolo: It was almost like a little bee running its sting up and down your arm.

TOTP: Well, the being drunk probably helped.
Paolo: Nyehhh, even a little bee running its sting up and down you sobers you up slightly.

TOTP: Not as bad as childbirth, though is it, eh?
Paolo: Well, when I gave birth to a child it was much less sore than when I got a tattoo.

TOTP: When was the last time that you saw a picture of yourself and you thought "what am I wearing?"
Paolo: I got a picture of my first school concert and I'm wearing this awful yellow and green check Ben Sherman shirt. I look like an idiot. And I was a wee fat kid as well.

TOTP: Really?
Paolo: Not fat fat, but a chubby little kid. And because I used to always shave my head and my hair used to grow so fast, it used to always grow out in three days. Number three. That's the way it used to go in high school -by numbers. "What you got?", "I got a number three", "Oh, I got a number one."

TOTP: So now, was it baby fat? Or was it all of the chips from your dad's chipshop?
Paolo: A mixture of the two. Probably about nine packets of crisps a day. But I was a lot fitter then. Now I'm skinny but I'm not too fit.

TOTP: When was the last time you wet your pants?
Paolo: [Incredulously] What? The last time I wet my pants? Oh, it was when I was about 8 or 9 and I went sledging and I thought that I was going to go right over the edge of a cliff and I wet my pants.

TOTP: But you didn't go over the cliff, though?
Paolo: No, we didn't.

TOTP: That's right. I've seen your video. There are no scars. Well, no obvious scars.
Paolo: No visible ones...

TOTP: When was the last time that you were chatted up?
Paolo: Emmm... last night, I think. The girl was very keen.... but yeah... last night.

TOTP: Do you get chatted up a lot?
Paolo: Ehh... yeah. I tend to get into a lot of conversations with girls. It's just funny to see girls who wouldn't usually spit on you if you were on fire. And then suddenly they're showing a keen interest after they hear you sing.

TOTP: Now, it's not their fault that they fall in love with you, Paolo.
Paolo: Yeah, but it's funny to watch!

TOTP: We're very surprised by your hair revelations because we're very jealous of your 'do. When was the last time that you had a bad hair day?
Paolo: Oh well... On Sunday at T in the Park, I had alot to celebrate. I had the album, I had a front page Scottish drug scandal.

TOTP: You did??
Paolo: Aye! Crazy journalist misconstrued what I said, giving false quotes. But it was front page of the Scottish Sun! Come on! So I had a lot to celebrate, I had Italy winning the World Cup, I had a Scottish Number 1. So I was very, very happy. And I didn't sleep at all that night. I camped there and I didn't get any sleep. When I got up from lying down in my tent. My hair was absolutely amazing. It looked like Ace Ventura's.

TOTP: When was the last time that you wished you were invisible?
Paolo: Probably every day in P.E. class. The boys and the girls dressing rooms were very close together, if you get my drift.

TOTP: When was the last time that you embarrassed yourself on a dance floor?
Paolo: Every time I go on a dancefloor. If I'm in the mood to go on the dancefloor it means that I'm not afraid of embarrassing myself.

TOTP: Would a quantity of alcohol have been consumed when this happens?
Paolo: Yeah. My dancing's kind of a mix of bad Michael Jackson and Peter Kay.

TOTP: So, when was the last time that you were on a dancefloor and drunk enough to feel the King of the world?
Paolo: We managed to blag our way into this party in Liverpool. The Beach Boys ' Get Around' was on and I thought 'I'm the s***!'"

TOTP: And I'm sure that for that moment only, you were...
Paolo: In my own little special way! I'm sure my mum would have thought I was.

TOTP: What was your last job?
Paolo: I worked in my dad's chip shop. It was FANTASTIC. I wish I did it a little bit more, because I don't get to see him much anymore.

TOTP: So, now. What's the story with deep fried Mars bars?
Paolo: Nobody puts it on their menu, so to speak, but if you want it, they'll make it.

TOTP: Is there any limit to the things that you can have fried?
Paolo: Maltesers don't happen. Do you know how long it takes to find each malteser in a fryer?

TOTP: Have you learned that the hard way?
Paolo: No somebody asked and I just said that it wasn't going to happen. Try deep fried Snickers - it's phenomenal!