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22 November 2008
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Swearing isn't big or clever, but it don't half look funny on a web page sometimes. Just ask Mike Rosenberg.

TOTP: Mike, when have you been so angry that you wanted to swear but couldn't?
Mike: Usually in family situations, I'd say. Where the elderly relatives are there. So you're reduced to saying things like "Fiddlesticks" and terrible things like that. Which is even worse than swearing in many ways. Fiddlesticks, it's a bit dramatic isn't it?
TOTP: Would you be comfortable saying "Fiddlesticks" in front of your friends?
Mike: Well this is it. If you say "Blast" in front of your friends, who are obviously will be very street, they won't be up for it, and you'll end up hanging around with 70-year-olds.
TOTP: Or someone like Lord Snooty from the Beano (incredibly posh cartoon character, ask your older brother - Old Ed)...
Mike: Exactly, it would be a downward spiral from there.
Posh bloke.

TOTP: So, have you gone down the fiddlesticks route and completely lost it?
Mike: I'm sure I have, but I can't think of a specific occasion. My family wouldn't be surprised to hear me er, drop a few.
TOTP: Who swears the most in your family?
Mike: My dad, I think, or me. But never my mum, she rarely swears. But when she does, it tends to have more weight behind it. When she swears, you know that something's up.

TOTP: It's quite funny when old folks swear though innit?
Mike: [Laughs] Yeah it is. It's dramatic. Young people swear all the time and it loses its meaning, but when the elderly swear, it really means something.

TOTP: It does. What was the punishment for swearing when you were 'a lad'?
Mike: Oh just the normal things really. Being shut in a cupboard for 48 hours. That sort of thing. Just your average punishments.
TOTP: So, all of your Government approved punishments then...
Mike: Exactly. They did a handbook on it. It's helpful for parents to know what to do.

TOTP: Did you ever receive punishments that you thought were a bit strange?
Mike: Other than that one? Nah not really. I think it was all fairly standard. Things like having to stay in your room. Which let's face it, wasn't that much of a nightmare really was it? You had all your stuff in your room.
TOTP: Too right. There's the internet in there and everything.
Mike: Yeah! It should have been "Right! Go down the park for three hours." "Aww, what?"
Gone home, back later.

TOTP: Now then...
Mike: One sec, I'm just getting out of a cab.
TOTP: Oh OK.
Some bloke in the background: Can I have a receipt, please?
Mike: You're gonna cut this bit out, yeah?
TOTP: Nah it's all going in.
Mike: Oh, brilliant. Check out my lifestyle...
TOTP: Too right! And we can prove your expenses to the label if necessary...
Mike: Yeah, the make up artist and the bodyguard are in agreement.

TOTP: Now then, what words do you use that just sound rude but aren't?
Mike: Well, b******* is a good one but that is actually rude isn't it.
TOTP: B*******? No that's widely accepted language isn't it. B*******. Y'see?
Mike: It is isn't it? Have you noticed that? A lot of swearwords just aren't swearwords anymore. Like "Bloody Hell!"
TOTP: Yeah, and I heard "p*****" at 2pm on the telly yesterday.
Mike: Yeah. P***** just isn't rude anymore. We need to know where we stand.

I beg your pardon? TOTP: Finally, Mike, who have you heard swear that you never thought you would?
Mike: I heard my grandmother swear recently. She's 97 and I never thought I'd hear her swear. Ever.
TOTP: What did she say?
Mike: She said ****.


Mike Rosenberg's official site

(The BBC is not responsible for the content of external websites)

Interview by: Tae M
26/09/2006

 
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