| TOTP: If you could take bits of other artists to make the ultimate rap artist, who would you put in there?
Dane: Jay-Z's gotta be in there.
Danny: I would just bring back Biggie Smalls, man. All by himself.
Bradley: Biggie Smalls's kind of...humour, Ludacris and Biggie, Tupac, Jay-Z and Eminem. A combination of all of those would be mine.
Dane: That's some big s***.
Bradley: Yeah. That would be a big artist.
Dane: A bit of a schiz, though.
Bradley: Yeah, he would be.
TOTP: We'd iron that all out in the process. What about the ultimate R&B singer - male or female? Or possibly both...
Dane: Stevie Wonder.
Bradley: Luther [Vandross], without a doubt.
Dane: Stevie, Luther, and Barry White.
Danny: Bam!
TOTP: What about the physical - whose body parts would you want for this?
Dane: Tina Turner's legs.
Danny: I would just go for Shakira's whole package.
Bradley: Different face, though.
Danny: What?
Dane: Tina's legs, Dolly Parton's breasts...Annie Lennox's haircut.
Bradley: I wouldn't agree with that one. I don't know who I'd choose, but not that!
TOTP: Never mind, we're going to have some fun photoshopping that one, anyway...
Bradley: Jessica Alba, maybe. But she's not a singer.
Danny: With Beyonce's voice.

TOTP: Ultimate male singer of any genre that you like? Again, the whole package: voice, hair, chest, arms, wardrobe...
Bradley: Stevie's voice, for me. Rick James's haircut. R Kelly's...what? R Kelly's bottom half.
TOTP: And what about the ultimate female singer?
Bradley: A bit of Christina, maybe. A bit of Aretha Franklin's voice. A bit of Beyonce.
Dane: Tina Turner's hair.
TOTP: Tina Turner's doing quite well out of this.
Bradley: Cher's body, and Pink's attitude. Britney's money! No, sorry.
TOTP: Obviously you've assembled yourselves as a kind of super-boyband. If you could assemble your own super-girlband from the ashes of other girlbands, who would be in it?
Bradley: All the people we've said, really. Christina, Britney...
Danny: No, but girls from former bands?
TOTP: Yep, girls from former girlbands.
Jimmy: Left-Eye?
Bradley: Diana Ross?
Danny: Meh! She had a great voice - kind of a classy voice - but, like...
Bradley: Left-Eye, though.
Danny: Yeah, that'd be good. She could do the rap.
Dane: One of the Pussycat Dolls.
Jimmy: Just for the look.
PR Person: What about Girls Aloud?
Bradley: Sarah from Girls Aloud.
TOTP: Any Spice Girls?
Danny: No.
Bradley: They should actually do Totally Girlband. Missy Elliott, she was in a girlband.

TOTP: Okay, now let's say you're aiming to create the perfect love song. Which five songs would you pick to combine into it?
Bradley: Um, 'Hero' [by Mariah Carey]. That was a great song.
Danny: Nah, I prefer the Boyz II Men and Mariah one.
Dane: 'One Sweet Day'.
Jimmy: 'Four Seasons Of Loneliness'?
Bradley: No, that was Boyz II Men.
Jimmy: Oh, sorry. It was, yeah, Boyz II Men, wasn't it?
Bradley: 'Lately' by Stevie Wonder.
Danny: 'Yesterday', the Beatles, man.
Bradley: 'From The Heart', Another Level.
[At this point, Jimmy has to leave the room to go and do something else, but we valiantly continue without him...]
TOTP: What about dancing? If you've all got to contribute a signature move to your next dance routine, what would you all be bringing?
Bradley: Oh, it's got to be 'The Right Stuff'. [Gives us a demo.] That one. "Oh-oh oh oh oh!" We actually do that anyway, so does that count? You said to contribute to us, but we do that anyway. You know the dance, right?
TOTP: I remember it well, yes.
Bradley: What would I do? That's probably one of the most famous dances that you could pick off the top of your head - [snaps fingers] the Moonwalk. Or MC Hammer. 'Can't Touch This'.
Dane: Who first did The Running Man?
Danny: Kid 'n' Play, man!
Bradley: Kid 'n' Play, then MC Hammer. Vanilla Ice tried to do a thing with it. So there you go, the running man, the moonwalk, and 'The Right Stuff'.

TOTP: If we were to put you guys on the spot and ask you to do an acapella version of any song right now with no rehearsal - we just count you in and off you go - what would it be?
Dane: We only know the single. Well, it's the only thing we've sorted out.
Bradley: Any song?
TOTP: Any song at all.
Dane: [to Bradley] If you had to do it right now without rehearsals.
Bradley: I always wanted to try Kajagoogoo or something like that.
Dane: [nonplussed] Ask the question again, so he can make the right decision.
TOTP: If we put you on the spot and said you had to sing an acapella song with no rehearsal - we just count you in and you all have to go for it - what would it be?
Bradley: 'Lately', Stevie Wonder.
Dane: [exasperated] Are you f***ing with me?
Danny: I don't know the words.
Dane: How would we know what harmonies to do?
Bradley: He said without rehearsal!
Danny: All of us! Together!
Dane: All four of us, right now, singing together.

Danny: That's the first song that comes into your head?
Dane: As in, don't rehearse it now, just sing, bam!
Bradley: Yeah, I'd choose 'Lately'.
Dane: When he says "no rehearsal", he doesn't mean you haven't rehearsed it before, he means right now, you're not allowed to rehearse, BAM! That's what he means.
PR Person: On their own or as a group?
TOTP: As a group.
Dane: As a group, and you would get us to sing something we haven't sung...
Danny: ...don't know the words...
Dane: ...and don't know the harmonies to.
Bradley: That's not what he's saying.
Dane: Yes it is.
TOTP: That is what I'm saying.
Bradley: He said any song.
Dane: Yeah! Any song... [gives up in frustration] Are you being serious? Do you really, like, get what you're saying? I'm not trying to take the p*** horribly, like that...
Bradley: I thought he said, if you could choose any song in the world, without rehearsing it...
Dane: Yeah.
Bradley: ...sing it, that's what I'd sing.
Danny: But what would you do right now?
Dane: You'd do 'Lately', without rehearsing it, all of us? Okay.
Danny and Dane: 3-2-1, go!
Bradley: [sings] "Lately, I have had the strangest feeling..."
Danny and Dane: And what are we doing?
Bradley: [sings some harmonies]
Dane: But that's rehearsing. [Sighs heavily.]
TOTP: Sorry guys, we weren't intending to cause a split! Okay, last question. If we said we had Justin Timberlake outside the door, and he was totally keen to be a part of this project, but you had to kick one person out to make room for him, who would go?
Dane: [before we've even finished asking the question] We wouldn't.
Bradley: He'd go.
Danny: He'd go.
Bradley: He can kiss my...HairyBack. [Laughs.]
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