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22 November 2008
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Reality Pop Stars
They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly...


1Maggot GLC
Maggot GLCEven before Celeb Big Bro, we loved Maggot. We loved him more than anyone had a right to love anything called Maggot. And just like some kind of mic-rocking pupae, Maggot burrowed into our skin with his combination of modesty and leisurewear. After some nibbling on our heart strings, he emerged a beautiful butterfly of comedy rhymes and illicit substances. Maggot, you're just too fly, and you had us at "I'm just here to make up the numbers."

2Preston Ordinary Boy
Preston Ordinary BoyHis mum might call him Sam (or Samuel, if he's been very naughty) but the rest of the UK just call him FIT! these days. Preston went from being the cheeky, loveable, FIT bloke out of Ordinary Boys, to the cheeky, loveable, FIT bloke out of Ordinary Boys and Celebrity Big Brother. And while he can no longer pop out for a pint of FITNESS milk, watch a Chigago Bulls match, or visit Westminster without a massive (and possibly unFIT) bouncer clearing the way, that badge in conflict-solving had to be worth it. Right?

3Antony Costa
Antony CostaSo, back to the maggots then, and here's a fella who ate more than his fair share (he probably got to like them in the end) while on I'm A Celebrity. Numerous insects, bits of kangaroos (y'know, the bits that go into making more kangaroos) and even David Dickinson's leftovers didn't escape Ant's dinner plate (we can't confirm the leftovers bit though). But we're still waiting on the fanfare and rise to solo stardom. In fact, bizarrely, the only thing Ant reckons he got from doing the show was thinner. Well, kanagaroo wotsits y'see - very low in calories.

4Peter Andre
Peter AndreWe can't say the same for Peter Andre though. A spell in the bush turned out to be just what the Aussie washboard needed, careerwise. Between seeing 'Mysterious Girl' being brought back from the dead, and 'Insania' being 'conceived' and then let loose on the unsuspecting public, Pete also found the love of his life in the form of Jordan. In fact, he's the only celeb to emerge from the jungle and say with a straight face: "I've had bags of fun!" Respec'!

5Liz McLarnon
Liz McLarnonBut as happy as Pete was, he didn't have nearly as sweet a deal as Liz McLarnon. Our Liz became the kitten who got the coconut cream during her stay on Celebrity Love Island, where she had nothing to do but a) lie in the sun, b) eat the fine food and drink on offer and c) try not to fall into any of Paul Danan's purpose-built lady traps. These were cunningly fashioned using sticky old pants for nets, and unwanted nose hair for tripwire. One close call almost saw Liz drown in Danan slobber, but thankfully, she was airlifted out before it got into her lungs. Isabella Hervey wasn't so lucky.
Tae M
26/01/2006

 

 
The Complete List
 
  It's Party Time!  Go!  
  We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here!  
 
  Big Bother  Go!  
  The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother...  
 
  When Song Titles Go Silly  Go!  
  Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history...  
 
  Dream TOTP Presenters  Go!  
  If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*...  
 
  Web-Singers  Go!  
  Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology.  
 
  Doing It For The Kids  Go!  
  What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children?  
 
  Who Sean Did Next...  Go!  
  We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous...  
 
  Take Cover!  Go!  
  Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot...  
 
  The 5 Stages Of ROCK  Go!  
  OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK.  
 
  They Are The Resurrection  Go!  
  This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face...  
 
  Britain's Next Pop Model  Go!  
  Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot...  
 
  Drama Queens  Go!  
  Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama?  
 
  Pop Conspiracies  Go!  
  Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid...  
 
  I'll Show YOU!  Go!  
  Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers...  
 
  Crapper Rappers  Go!  
  Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing...  
 
  Reality Pop Stars  Go!  
  They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly...  
 
  Indie-lympics  Go!  
  They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty!  
 
  Daft Predictions: 2006  Go!  
  What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know?  
 
  Secret Santa  Go!  
  If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick...  
 
  Xmas Turkeys  Go!  
  The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge.  
 
  Toy Story  Go!  
  Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things!  
 
  Rock School  Go!  
  Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds?  
 
  Name Academy  Go!  
  Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up.  
 
  Food Fighters  Go!  
  As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is.  
 
  Arty Popstars  Go!  
  They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other?  
 
  Oi You! Outside Now!  Go!  
  If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win?  
 
  Grow A Spine!  Go!  
  Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge...  
 
  Eaten By The Pop Beast  Go!  
  What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster?  
 
  These Words...Are Bonkers  Go!  
  Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing...  
 
  Too Long Titles  Go!  
  When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more...  
 
  Oi! Cheer up!  Go!  
  It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops!  
 
  Charlie And The Mock-late Factory  Go!  
  The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...).  
 
  Parent Repellants  Go!  
  Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust.  
 
  Non-Stop Popsters  Go!  
  Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045?  
 
  Diet Hards  Go!  
  A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces...  
 
  Bond Rocking Beats  Go!  
  Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme?  
 
  Endorse-Mentalists  Go!  
  Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not!  
 
  Y Kant U Spel Proply?  Go!  
  We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun!  
 
  Five acts we wanna see at Live 8  Go!  
  No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except...  
 
  Crooner Eclipse  Go!  
  We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing...  
 
  Tell It To The Judge  Go!  
  They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost).  
 
  Welcome Back!  Go!  
  The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time...  
 
  Britney's Auction Items  Go!  
  Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars...  
 
  The People That Elton Wronged  Go!  
  You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty...  
 
  Lord Of The Blings  Go!  
  This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why...  
 
  You Still Here?  Go!  
  The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed...  
 
  Ice Queens  Go!  
  These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch...  
 
  Have-A-Go Heroes  Go!  
  Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman).  
 
  Cover Calamities  Go!  
  If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters?  
 
  Skinny Indie Kids  Go!  
  Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong...  
 
The Complete List


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