Web-Singers |
Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology.
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 Sandi Thom
 You've all seen the record company hype, right? It goes something like this...
Once upon a time, a little girl called Sandi had herself filmed performing some of her now-hating songs in a basement in the kingdom of Tooting, and put the whole thing on a magical virtual carpet called The Internet. And due to the incredible quality of the music she had on offer, somewhere between none and all of the people in the world gathered in front of their sparkle-screens to see her do it.
Then, right, a beautiful jewelled eagle flew in through her basement window, carrying a golden record contract from the King of Record Companies. And it read "We shall take you from this place and put you at the top of the charts!", and everyone cheered.
And then, a month later Sandi went to live in a magic castle in THE PAST, and we all lived happily ever after.
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 Arctic Monkeys
 That's right, you won't come and play on our TV show, boys. But that won't stop us talking about you. Oh no.
So, what everyone thinks they know about T'Monkeys is that they owe their entire career to the internet. Cos once everyone started downloading their songs off their website and spreading them about, the whole world wanted in on their sarcastic indie action. Specially as it was free at the time.
What everyone probably DOESN'T know is that the band themselves aren't really big web users, and didn't have a lot to do with the file-sharing that went on. And why? Too busy watching prostitutes and drunken bar fights and taking notes, that's why...
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 Crazy Frog
 Now, we here at the Pops are very much a peace-loving gang of people. It takes a special kind of irritant to get under our skin. So congratulations to the creators of this little fella. Cos when it comes to taking a not-funny joke and repeating it until it makes your bones itch with fury, Crazy takes the biscuit. And the tea-cup. And the tray. And the kettle. And the kitchen. And the friendly vicar.
And you can safely lay the blame for this unpleasant state of affairs on the humble mobile phone. For some reason, the sound of a frog pretending to be an accelerating motor vehicle was THE best way to alert people that their friends were trying to get in touch, for about two months.
Suddenly, before you could say 'cash in', that sound was plastered all over a rave re-working of an '80s synth classic. Then rave re-workings of an album full of well-known songs. Then another album, then a football song... If ever there was a moment when you might feel Sandi Thom had a point about the modern world, this is it...
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 Gnarls Barkely
 This is a slightly different situation, cos the Gnarls song wasn't given away free with Baby's First iPod. Nor was it sent round in one of those emails which claim to be a warm hug of a message from a friend of yours, but which also wish evil things upon you if you don't then send it on to ten other people (hardly the actions of people who want the best for you and your life, really).
And it wasn't the talk of MySpace for months before it hit the shops either. But let's not forget that 'Crazy' was the first ever No.1 single to get to the top of the charts on download sales alone. That's your inter-mation-web-superhigh-net in action, right there.
Mind you, the song's producer Danger Mouse HAS had a hit album which was only available as an illegal download. His mash-up of Jay-Z's 'Black Album' and the Beatles' 'White Album' (called, naturally enough, 'The Grey Album') was enormously popular. Unless you are either the Beatles or Jay-Z, natch.
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 Lily Allen
 Bringing us bang up to date (don't cry, Sandi, you'll be singing a song about how amazing this very moment was in a few years' time), here's a lady whose use of the MySpace website - particularly her brilliantly funny blogs - have opened the doors for her spiky, summery pop-reggae songs so widely that everyone is treating her like a superstar pop goddess before she's even released her first proper single!
Course, the modern pop world being what it is, Lily has put her material out into the public domain via the web, and has been doing so for the past year, so it's not like the excitement is based on her sarcastic online diary-writing alone. The songs are worth getting excited about.
Which brings us to the most important lesson to be learned from all of this techno-malarkey. It doesn't matter which medium you use to get the message across, if your music is brilliant enough, or supremely annoying enough, people are going to want to buy it.
Fraser M
20/06/2006
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It's Party Time!  |
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We're having a party to celebrate the end of TOTP Online and the start of the Chart Blog...look who's here! |
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Big Bother |
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The normal show's over for another year, but there's still time to get our requests in for the next Celeb Big Brother... |
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When Song Titles Go Silly |
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Abandon sense, all ye who enter here to see the strangest song titles in pop history... |
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Dream TOTP Presenters |
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If only we'd had these people on our side, history would have been VERY different *sniff*... |
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Web-Singers |
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Five acts whose very career can be blamed on modern technology. |
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Doing It For The Kids |
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What if pop stars were left in charge of kids' TV for a day? Won't somebody think of the children? |
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Who Sean Did Next... |
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We all know Sean Paul likes to collaborate, but this is getting ridulous... |
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Take Cover! |
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Some popstars aren't so much people as forces of nature. Watch out for this lot... |
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The 5 Stages Of ROCK |
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OR: Why the humble whistle is the ultimate factor in deciding what ROCKS and what does NOT ROCK. |
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They Are The Resurrection |
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This lot didn't just cheat career death, they laughed in its face... |
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Britain's Next Pop Model |
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Mariah's planning to take the fashion world by storm, but she'll have to watch out for this lot... |
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Drama Queens |
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Forget reality TV - how would popstars fare in a TV drama? |
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Pop Conspiracies |
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Weird stuff happens in pop from time to time, it's enough to make some of us paranoid... |
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I'll Show YOU! |
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Popstars who should have left their egos behind, not their careers... |
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Crapper Rappers |
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Next time this lot pic up the mic, it had better be just to sing... |
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Reality Pop Stars |
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They've braved the glare of wall-to-wall cameras and survived. Well, mostly... |
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Indie-lympics |
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They're skinny, they're whiny, and they're doing it for Blighty! |
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Daft Predictions: 2006 |
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What will 2006 bring for this bunch of celebs? Are you sure you wanna know? |
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Secret Santa |
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If we were to give these popstars the perfect Chrimbo gift, we reckon these Xmas crackers would do the trick... |
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Xmas Turkeys |
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The kind of festive chart-toppers that would make Cliff Richard turn Scrooge. |
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Toy Story |
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Abandon your pressies! We bring you the pop toys you really wanted this Christmas, you lucky things! |
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Rock School |
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Girls Aloud are taking Biology, but who's got Double Maths, and who's hanging out behind the bike sheds? |
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Name Academy |
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Five acts whose names could've done with a re-think BEFORE the CDs got pressed up. |
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Food Fighters |
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As Snoop launches his own brand of Hot Dogg, we wonder who else will put their money where their mouth is. |
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Arty Popstars |
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They call themselves 'artists', but which pop stars would know one end of a gallery from the other? |
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Oi You! Outside Now! |
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If these chart rivals ever had to face-off in the pop ring, who would win? |
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Grow A Spine! |
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Some stars are wetter than others. Meet a few who you could wring out like a sponge... |
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Eaten By The Pop Beast |
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What's with all these bands losing members lately? Is it the work of some member-munching pop monster? |
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These Words...Are Bonkers |
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Never let a pop star sit down with a pen, they don't know what they're doing... |
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Too Long Titles |
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When it comes to picking short sharp song titles, this lot thought more was more... |
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Oi! Cheer up! |
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It's a case of one grump or two for these pop moodychops! |
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Charlie And The Mock-late Factory |
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The pop stars who narrowly failed to get a part in Willy Wonka (and not in a bad way...). |
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Parent Repellants |
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Playing your music loud is one thing, but bring home one of these bad boys and you'll be grounded into space dust. |
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Non-Stop Popsters |
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Rolling Stones are 40 years and still going. So, which of these pop gippers will be around in 2045? |
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Diet Hards |
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A cautionary tale for would-be dieters out there, in five easy to swallow pieces... |
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Bond Rocking Beats |
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Kanye and Robbie have sampled 007, but who else could remix a Bond theme? |
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Endorse-Mentalists |
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Is there ANYTHING that popstars won't sell on the side? Apparently not! |
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Y Kant U Spel Proply? |
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We asked a linguistics expert to mark pop songs for spelling mistakes. Just for fun! |
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Five acts we wanna see at Live 8 |
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No doubt about it, there's little to top that Live 8 lineup. Except... |
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Crooner Eclipse |
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We don't mind rappers acting the big 'I am', just as long as they don't sing... |
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Tell It To The Judge |
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They fought the law, and the law won (except when it lost). |
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Welcome Back! |
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The pop acts who YOU'D like to see strutting their stuff one more time... |
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Britney's Auction Items |
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Forget collecting the albums, these days fans want something a bit more personal from their fave stars... |
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The People That Elton Wronged |
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You don't have to be an incompetent journalist to earn a tongue-lashing from Lord Pop Almighty... |
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Lord Of The Blings |
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This lot weren't in the Lord Of The Rings films, but they should've been. Here's why... |
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You Still Here? |
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The bands who went past their sell-by date, and then reversed... |
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Ice Queens |
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These frosty popstrels could give scary lessons to the Blair Witch... |
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Have-A-Go Heroes |
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Trouble called, they answered. These pop stars are all Super Men (and woman). |
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Cover Calamities |
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If you love the song so much, why do you treat it so badly, popsters? |
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Skinny Indie Kids |
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Your mum thinks this lot could do with a good square meal, and she's not wrong... |
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