Paper Monitor: Top of the list
Lists are all the rage in journalism.
So today we turn to that hardy Friday perennial, Caitlin Moran's Celebrity Watch in the Times.
Axl Rose is on the way down at 10. The GnR singer has been photographed out and about in New York with a walking stick. That's all it takes to earn yourself a place in CW. But it allows Moran to describe him as the man who sang Welcome to the Jungle like a "lynx that had caught its knackers on a barbed wire fence." David Attenborough couldn't have put it better.
In at number five is Jay-Z. Moran notes that Kanye West is naming his new album Yeezus. "Yes, I'm going to take the name 'Jesus', but make it cooler, by making it a bit more about me, Kanye West," he said. Now rapper Shawn Carter, aka Mr Beyonce, also also known as Jay-Z, has opted for the almost as humble album title Magna Carta Holy Grail. Moran's summary is informative. "The basis of modern civilization's law and justice, mixed with Jesus's last holy party-cup, then topped with the sheer genius of the 'Magna Carta/Magna Shawn Carter more like!' inference." Nuff respect.
Topping the chart is Tamara Ecclestone for her "full-on, balls-to-the-wall spendathon" wedding in the south of France. Father Bernie, worth £6.2bn, picked up the tab. Elton John did the music, Sean Connery rocked up, and every guest got their own Jet Ski. Who said love had to be complicated? Even the animal rights organisation Peta sent a present - a rescued goose apparently. Moran likes to imagine the bride "in a froth of Vera Wang wedding dress, opening the box, only to be confronted with two very angry, small, yellow eyes, and a hissing sound. 'Daddy? Daaaaaaaaaaaaddy!'"