Paper Monitor: Bobby dazzler

David Dickinson

The heatwave continues! A nation rejoices! But be careful out there - you might end up looking like an antiques expert.

There is a picture that appears in every newspaper this morning. It shows a horse, on a beach, being served from an ice cream van.

(Here it is in the Daily Telegraph.)

Lucky horse, thinks a perspiring Paper Monitor.

But another set of images in the Sun illustrates the dangers of staying out too long in the, er, sun.

David Dickinson, the well-known antiques expert and television presented, is papped in the street wearing what looks like the kind of 1970s safari suit favoured by the late Alan Whicker and a pair of spectacles that resemble those contraptions which opticians put on your head and insert different lenses during eye tests.

But it is neither of these aspects of Dickinson's appearance on which the red top focuses.

No, it is the hue of the famously-permatanned celebrity's skin.

According to the Sun, it is "strangest colour yet". Dickinson, it says, "is not far off Oompa Loompa orange".

To illustrate his changing countenance, the paper has prepared a handy cut-out-and keep colour chart (sadly not available in the online story) of the type found in the paint department of home improvement stores.

Each shade relates to a type of wood (chestnut, oak, teak, walnut and mahogany) and is set alongside a headshot of Dickinson sporting a tan of the same colour.

Paper Monitor hopes UK readers enjoys the sun, but implores them to take precautions while doing so, lest they emerge looking like a particularly garish exhibit on Bargain Hunt.

You can follow the Magazine on Twitter and on Facebook