Why more marriages dey fail for Nigeria? - Experts explain wetin Naija couples dey ignore

Why more marriages dey fail for Nigeria? - Experts explain wetin Naija couples dey ignore

Wia dis foto come from, Getty Images

Marriage na scam? Why e no dey work out nowadays? Na wetin pipo dey wonder dey ask sake of di rate of recent couples separations across Nigeria.

Dis week alone two celebrity couples in Nigeria announce separation despite say pipo dey see di couples as role models for dia own marriage.

JJC Skillz announce di end of im marriage wit popular Nollywood actress Funke Akindele.

Actress Chacha Eke also end of her own marriage wit Austin Faani, few days earlier

Late Nigeria gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu death bin generate concerns about abusive marriage.

Osinachi death force a new move among pipo across di west African kontri to rethink how dem dey marriage.

So BBC News Pidgin speak wit different experts including marriage counsellors and a lawyer to explain why many marriages dey crash for di kontri lately.

Incompatibility, desperation and deceit

One Nigerian marriage counsellor Angela Elueokafor tell BBC Pidgin say many marriages dey fail lately sake of say di couples no dey compatible.

Di marriage counsellor say some women go into marriage sake of say age no dey on dia side again and dia mates dey get married.

She say dis kind desperation dey make dem ask demsef if dem dey compatible wit di pesin dem won marry.

"Wen you won get marry, your need and your partner need suppose be di same.

And you gatz ask yoursef some certain questions, "I dey compatible wit dis pesin?

"We be friends? I fit dey see mysef dey wake up every morning seeing dis pesin?

She say some parents sef no dey help mata as na dem dey push dia pikin to marry di wrong pesin.

Dis na becos dem dey always disturb di pikin to bring partner come house, she add.

On deceit, she say e get some women wey no sabi cook and dia husband no know.

She say dis kind tin dey crash marriage if di husband na pesin wey like food.

Still on deceit, she say e get some men wey go lie to women about dia financial status.

And na wen dem marry di woman she go realise say her husband no get shishi.

About deceit, she say some men dey impotent and na wen dem marry di woman kasala go burst say dem no fit perform dia duty for bed.

"E get one case wey happun, two months into di marriage notin happun. Di woman discover say her husband dey impotent.

"She go tell church leaders but dem tell am say what God don join togeda let no man fit put asunder," she tok

Pride, selfishness and mistrust

Di expert say pride na anoda factor wey dey crash marriage. She say wen partners no won bow for each oda, e dey cause marriage to crash.

"E get time wey one pesin gass bow for di oda. But wen two partners dey like two captains inside ship, na dia di problem dey.

"And na dis kind problem dey a lot of marriages dis days," Angela Elueokafor tok.

On selfishness, di Nigerian marriage counsellor say women no suppose leave all di responsibility for di husband sake of say na im be di man of di house.

"We know di time wey we dey now, so women gass help. But situation also dey wen woman go help and di man go take advantage of am," Elueokafor tok.

She say marriage wey trust no dey no fit work sake of say trust na di foundation of any marriage.

Some pipo get psychological problem

Wia dis foto come from, Getty Images

Elueokafor say some pipo get psychological problem and e dey important for pipo to undergo mental health test before dem marry.

She say dis kind pipo go dey nice to pipo outside but for inside house, dem dey act strange.

Dis kind men wey get psychological problem go begin torture dia women emotionally or psychologically.

Di marriage counsellor say e dey important for pipo to court for long so dem go fit know each oda well before marriage.

"Pipo gass court for a while, maybe about two years so you go fit know di real pesin wey you won marry. And you go ask yoursef if you fit marry am, if una dey compatible, if you like am, if you trust am," she tok.

Elueokafor also say possessiveness dey crash marriage and some men and women get am for bodi.

She say if pesin dey date dat kind pesin and dem realise say di partner dey possessive, dem no suppose ignore dat kind tin.

Pipo enta marriage witout knowledge

Wia dis foto come from, Getty Images

Marriage counsellor and pastor for Livingspring Chapel International, Tope Ojo also speak to BBC News Pidgin ontop dis mata.

Tope Ojo say why many marriages dey fail na sake of say pipo no get di knowledge before dem jump inside di union.

"One of di reasons be say pipo no get di knowledge of wetin marriage suppose be from dia family wen dem dey young, dem just enta into di union," e tok.

Di counsellor also tok say husband and wife suppose be friends and na dis kind tin dey sustain marriage.

E say Nigerians don dey dey too European and dem dey adopt wetin dem dey see abroad.

"For abroad, marriage no be anytin, you fit marry on Monday and divorce on Tuesday.

"Becos we dey copy wetin dem dey do abroad, a lady fit tok say she dey do well and she no need a man, na only pregnancy she need," Ojo add.

E also tok say economic challenges for di kontri dey put pressure on marriage.

Wen wife dey more successful dan husband

Anoda marriage counsellor, Shamseddin Giwa say Nigerian present day reality make am difficult for marriage to work if a woman dey more successful dan her husband.

E say dis dey happun becos pipo dey enta marriage wit boss mentality and not a team mindset.

E say wen di wife dey more successful dan her husband, e dey lead to issue in di Nigerian society.

Di marriage counsellor say issue no suppose dey if di woman dey successful dan her man but issue dey dey becos pipo dey approach marriage with boss mentality.

"A woman fit rise to be di head of a nation, but back for house, you still be your husband house," e tok.

E also say many pipo dey go into marriage wey dem no understand.

Giwa say Nigeria no get a culture wey ensure say pipo receive knowledge about tins.

"Unfortunately, premarital counselling suppose take care of all of dis but we no dey get enough of dat. Pipo neva still understand di importance."

Giwa say anoda reason why marriage dey fail na sake of say pipo dey only plan for wedding and not di marriage itsef.

E say marriage suppose be team work but many pipo wey dey inside marriage dey selfish and no dey consider dia spouse.

Giwa say if teamwork no dey marriage, such marriage go crash.

Nigerian lawyer Gladys Ochu Eyongndi also follow BBC News Pidgin yarn about di mata and she say many young marriages full court wey di couples won divorce and dis kain tin dey heart-breaking.

Di lawyer wey say she currently dey handle some divorce mata say some couples wey just marry two to three years ago don already say dem won divorce.

Pipo enta marriage witout blueprint

Barrister Eyongndi say young pesins go into marriage witout blueprint or structured plans and e no suppose be so.

"We plan and structure every area of our life, but most times young pesins dis days go into marriage witout any blueprint, witout any structured plan.

"Young pesins dis days dey dey overtaken by emotion, by di excitement wey come wit all di explorations wey dey inside relationship witout focusing on compatibility and oda factors wey dem suppose look at," she tok.

She say pipo explore sexual compatibility and leave out oda important factors like principles and values.

She also say lack of mentorship na one of di reasons why marriage dey fail.

Di lawyer tok say young couples gatz get who dem fit tok to if dem no fit settle dia issues amicably.

"Young pesins get mentorship in dia career and in oda areas of dia life, so why not get marriage mentor too?" Di barrister tok.

She say anoda reason for failed marriage na becos pipo no dey consider dia partners before doing certain tins.

She say if any human relationship must dey successful, pesin gass give consideration to di feelings of di oda pesin.

Pipo no fit control dia emotions

Barrister Eyongndi say anoda reason na sake of say many pipo don journey through different experiences and carry dem inside dia marriage.

She say sake of wetin some pipo don face, dem dey easily get triggered and abuse dia spouse.

Di Nigerian lawyer say di issue of not considering di oda pesin feelings dey cause a lot of displeasure wey go bring about emotional and physical violence.

Marriage counsellor Sheikh Abdul Ahmmed Shittu Alawiye also follow BBC Pidgin tok about di mata.

Oga Shittu Alawiye also be di founder and chief missionary of Alhameed Islamic Foundation,

Alawiye tok say before pesin marry, pesin gatz know di kind family where di partner come from and also know di kind religion dem dey practice.

“You gatz know di kind pipo wey give birth to di woman or man and dia religion. Although no be di parents pesin won marry.

"But pesin fit marry bad partner but e no fit get bad parents. Dis na sake of say di good parents fit change di bad partner.”

“Secondly, e dey manageable if partner be good pesin and parents be bad pipo sake of say e go take time for dem to influence am.”

Alawiye say Prophet Muhammad tok say pipo dey marry woman sake of four reasons.

E say one of dem na sake of her money. Secondly na sake of her beta family.

Third reason na sake of her beauty, fourth reason na sake of say she dey religious and she dey fast well well.

Wen pipo no dey religious

Di Islamic cleric also tok say Prophet Muhammad say di most important reasons out of di four reasons na di religion part sake of say pesin wey religion go get tolerance, peace and love.

E say many of di marriages wey dey crash na sake of say di partners no dey religious.

E say di couples no go fit tolerate each oda, dem no go dey peaceful wit each oda and dem no go love each oda sake of say dem no dey religious.

“Religion dey teach us how to live wit our partners. Some women na zero tolerance dem get, and some men sef get zero tolerance, dem no fit tolerate each oda and dem dey always make reference to past mistakes of each oda.”

E say pipo just dey answer religious names but dem no dey follow wetin religion put in place.

Di Islamic cleric also say failure of partners to perform dia duties to each oda dey reduce love and dis kind tin dey lead to crash in marriage.

E say oda reasons na sake of say some women no dey submissive to dia husband and some men no dey do dia duties for house.

“Some women want equal right, and equal right no dey for women in Islam. Women also get right but e no dey equal.

"Islam want woman to dey submissive to her husband even if she senior di man,” Alawiye tok.

E also tok say in a situation where na woman dey take care of responsibility for house and she no dey submissive to di man, dat kind marriage go crash.

Divorce rate for Nigeria

For one article wey di Economist publish for 2016, dem say ba just 0.2% of men and 0.3% of women legally divorce, according to di National Bureau of Statistics.

Dem also say under 1% of couples admit say dem don dey separated.

Di reality go don change wella sake of say many divorce dey happun in recent times but official data never show di recent divorce in numbers across Nigeria.

By Daniel Semeniworima - Senior Journalist, Tunde Ososanya - Broadcast Journalist