'No sex witout fight' - How dem dey change idea of 'man' for DR Congo

Moises and his wife Jullienne Image copyright Fiona Lloyd-Davies/BBC
Image example Moises bin dey beat im wife, Jullienne, even wen she bin get belle

One man for DR Congo say e regret di way im bin treat im wife wen e wan sleep wit her.

Moises Bagwiza confess say e don rape im wife Julienne as im explain how dia sex life bin dey.

"Sex wit her bin dey like fight, I no go even mind di cloth she dey wear, I go just tear am," e tok.

E tok about one time wen im beat im wife wen she bin get belle because she dey save part of di house moni and no wan give am some to buy shoe.

"I bin just give am small kick for belle then she come fall for ground dey bleed, na so neighbours rush am go hospital for di village wey dem dey."

E follow add say, "na true say di moni be her own but you know how women dey act wen dem get moni now. Dem dey cari shoulders up well-well."

Image copyright Fiona Lloyd-Davies/BBC
Image example Jullienne Bagwiza say sex no go fit happun without fight hen her husband bin bad pass

Way wey men dey pay for dia 'failure'

Oga Bagwiza no be di only man wey dey behave like dis for house as DR Congo get one of highest numbers of rape for world wit about 48 women wey dey experience rape for di kontri evri hour according to study wey di American Journal for Public Health do.

Anoda man wey dey di village and dey work as builder tok say, di only way im bin feel like e fit follow im wife tok na if im beat her.

E say, "I bin tink say she be my property. I bin tink I fit do as I like wit am. If I go house like dis and she ask me question na so I go light am blow."

Image copyright Fiona Lloyd-Davies/BBC
Image example Ilot Alphonse na im follow start di Congo Men's Network

Many sabi pipo tink say na di long fight-fight for di kontri dey cause di rape wahala but Ilot Alphonse, wey follow start di Goma-based NGO - Congo Men's Network (Comen) say di mata deep pass like dat.

"We bin inherit di brain say girls na property. Men sabi say wenever dem want sex dem get right to get am. Di cause for sexual abuse for Congo na mata of power and di position wey Congo men want to dey hold on to."

E even tok say e suffer abuse and follow put abuse on top anoda pesin.

"Wen we be pikin dem flog us for school and for our village, so wen I come grow I come see am as means of communication to dey beat my girlfriend, come chill for her to tok sorry."

Put women for di tok-tok

Danielle Hoffmeester wey be project officer for di Institute for Justice and Reconciliation (IJR) for South Africa follow tink say gender based abuse na because of how boys grow up and no fit fully live up to wetin "e mean to be man for Africa".

She say, "to provide for family na wetin e mean to be man for Africa, so for situation wey dem no fit, dem go try to prove say dem be man wit beating and oda violent ways."

Image copyright Fiona Lloyd-Davies/BBC
Image example Di group tok-tok na to change wetin men tink say be wetin dey make dem men

'Husbands dey change'

Every week, about twenty men go show for di Baraza for two hours to learn how to be beta men, treat women as equals and beta papa wit one male and female teacher wey use feem and books show dem how dem go fit change.

Alphonse tok say plenti women dey tok say dia men don dey change.

Even Bagwiza don change from di pesin wey beat im pregnant wife.

"Of course e no fit be 100% because na human being we be, but plenti tins don change wella. We don dey tok well, and our sex sef don follow improve wella."

Alphonse wan reach evri man for DR Congo wit di tori say you fit be beta man and e no gi change you from di man you be.

Dis na part of series African Eye dey do inside wetin be man for di new generation Africa. To watch all di feem dem, go di BBC Africa YouTube page.

Another thing we de for inside dis tori