Consent: Wetin e be and how you fit get am for lovey-lovey or kerewa
Social media don dey buzz since pipo dey report plenti rape cases for online. Only last week, at least seven rape tori cause palava for different part of Nigeria and West Africa.
Consent don become hot topic again and e be like say some pipo no sure wetin e mean or how dey fit ask am. No worry, BBC Pidgin follow 'Hands Off', an NGO wey dey teach pipo including children and teenagers wetin consent mean, tok on di matta.
Wetin be consent?
According to Hands Off, consent na permission wey person suppose get before dem do something or begin to dey do something. Consent no be by force and person must give am freely and wen dem dey sober.
Di NGO add say person fit withdraw consent at any time wey dem like. If e be by force, e no be consent! Dem add say to say yes now, no mean say e don cover for future yes.
"Also, e dey important to note say one fit consent to one act but not to consent to another. For example, one fit consent to hugs but make dem no consent to kisses and di oda party must to respect dia wishes. Pipo fit withdraw consent anytime, anyone fit withdraw consent and you no need reason to withdraw consent. No simply means no. Stop sef simply means stop."
How person fit get consent?
To get consent from anoda pesin simple but e must dey clear and pesin must ask before dem start to dey do do, na wetin Hands Off tok. Dem add say make pipo no dey assume consent and to dey respect wishes of di oda person "even if you go like do am anoda way".
"Everything way happun must to happun with knowledge and agreement wey di oda pesin freely give wen dem sober and force no dey involved".
Who fit give consent?
Hand Off say di age of consent different from kontri to kontri. For Nigeria, anyone wey be 18 and above fit give consent. Small pikin or pesin wey never reach 18 no fit consent to sex.
"Pikin wey dey sexual relation with adult na rape. Even if di pikin wan have sexual relation with di adult, na di duty of di adult to refuse. Wen di two pipo na pikin, two of dem must give consent.
"Pikin no fit give consent. In relationship wey get pikin and adult, di power wey dey no balance and na di role of di adult wey suppose know better to refuse and take that moment to educate di pikin on power difference and how e no dey okay for adult and pikin to have sexual relations."
How many times person suppose ask consent?
E dey important to dey check consent as di activities dey progress or dey change. To dey check for consent na wetin di pipo wey dey involve for di activities suppose dey ask, Hands Off tok.
"To give consent for one sexual activity no mean to give consent for anoda type of sexual activity or more sexual activities. For example, agreeing to kiss someone no mean say you don gree make dem off your cloth or hug you. Agreeing to do oral sex no mean say you agree to sex by penetration. Agreeing for past no mean you gree for future. Consent no be one time thing. E dey always important to ask during sexual activities. You go say things like, "I fit kiss you here?", "You dey okay wit dis?" etc; beyond to dey ask wetin dem want, respecting dia wishes dey really important."
You need consent for sex workers?
Hands Off tok say pipo still need to ask sex workers for consent even if dem don pay for di sex. Dem add say e no mata if dem don pay for di sex, di oda party must to give consent freely.
"Dis entitlement to anoda pesin body and disrespect na why dem dey rape plenty sex workers. Sex workers fit consent to one activity wey dem pay for and no consent to another activity and one MUST always respect dia wishes."
"Remember, consent must dey free, without fear or force from anoda party. Dem must give am enthusiastically, assertive and clear. E must be free of threats and fear. E fit be withdrawn at any time and must be respected.
"Pipo get right to set boundaries about dia bodies, dia possessions, and dia actions, and we need to respect those boundaries. Consent no be blanket, e no fit cover everything, You fit consent to one activity, and dis no mean that you consent to everything else.
Consent no fit be wen person dey sleep or drunk. Consent no fit be wen dem no fit make decisions by demsef."