BBC 100 women 2018: How I see am: 'Why men suppose pay for first date'

Anne Rucchetto and boyfriend Zac Image copyright Anne Rucchetto

Anne Rucchetto, wey be 27 years, na writer wey dey stay for Toronto, Canada. For inside di BBC's 100 Women series, she dey write about why e dey important di pesin wey pay for date.

Wen I start to dey date, my mama tell me say "nothing dey like free drink".

Then she go come say, "Men go tink say dem suppose collect (sex)".

I know say my mama no tok am to fear me, but e fear me die everi time wey I meet new pesin. E take time for me to free myself say I fit to pay for date.

As pesin wey start to dey ate at 14 years, I don dey tink and ttok about wetin I wan find for my partner and also wia I go find am.

Dis days, e no hard at all to find pesin to date with di internet and online world.

But who suppose dey pay for first date dey create serious quarrel.

I always dey tink say evribodi dey equal wey mean say if you go out with pesin you go share bill. Na why I no dey choose date wey too cost so I go fit pay.

Image copyright Getty Images
Image example Anne tok say because all fingers no dey equal e no dey fair to share bill

Around five years ago, my friends and teachers show me new tins wey make me start to dey tink dis mata again.

I come sabi feminist writers like like Gloria Jean Watkins (wey dey popular for her pen name Bell Hooks) wey make me tink who dey gain most from di way society dey. Dem start dey make me tink who get more power for world even reach as pesin dey tok with dia neighbour.

'To be woman cost pass'

Pipo dey gain differently from di way di world dey operate, so di pesin wey you dey jolly with pocket go determine weda una go pay di same amounts.

Women no dey make as much as man. And e no mean say o be woman cheap, e even expensive pass sef.

Di way di world want women dem to dey look and behave dey put hole for our pocket. Di way wey pipo want make woman look dey impossible to reach and if you no near am, e go mak pipo laugh you from entertainment inustry even enta White House.

We suppose dey calmer. dey listen more, dey understanding, fit arrange evri than di men wey dey our lives, weda dem be friends or colleagues or families or relationships. And to do all of those tis dey chop our pockets and emotions.

Even sef, di mata of who suppose pay no suppose just stand on weda you be man or woman but also dey based on wetin life don show you weda na pepper or honey , from wia you from come.

Last last, di goal na say make evri pesin fit see di coat wey fit dia size.

Image copyright Anne Rucchetto
Image example Anne has been with her boyfriend Zac for more than a year

Wen I bin go for first date with man wey bin dey boast about im sports car and wia for world e don travel go, e shock me wem bill come, e tok say make wey share am, because "E be feminist".

Weda men believe say women no dey collect same money for same work no mean say na lie and na dem dey benefit pass.

But e no mean say men no dey earn di money dem dey collect go house and e no mean say say dem must to always bring money.

Wen time bin dey wey I dey make more money than di man wey I bin dey date, I go share bill or pay for di date.

But if man tink say because e pay for date mean say I "owe" am, I go just pay for everi and e no go eva hear of me again. E mean say di pesin no get sense, respect and fit rape pesin.

'Challenging imbalances'

I don dey with my partner, Zac for ova one year now. I like am wen e tell me say e like animals, dey show im appreciation for friends and tok wetin im tin about labour rights. E pay for di first date and I pay for di second one.

Now, if we dey go anywia we dey share di bill. Wetin dey important for us na say none of us feel like say di oda pesin dey use us and we dey feel respect for di relationship.

First dates na one opportunity wey pesin fit take to sabi pipo wey wey fit no hold reach you. If we wan be good partners make we understand say all fingers no dey equal.

Who pay for di first date no go define wetin una relationship go be.

As di relationship dey grow, pipoo go begin find wetin dem like do for am. E no mata who you tink say suppose pay for first date, wetin mata be say all of una get sense or di date.

I have dated both men and women, and funnily enough, anytime I've dated a woman, or gender-diverse person we've ended up competing to pay the bill.

Wetin be 100 Women?

BBC 100 women announce dia 2018 list of ogbonge women wey get influence and dey inspire pipo around di world.

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