Off The Bawl - 26 January

Tam Cowan and Stuart Cosgrove

Greeeeeetings!!! Our star guest on Saturday was the former Burnley and Bolton Wanderers boss Owen Coyle (or the new Aston Villa manager, according to James in Gartcosh).

Owen denied any rumours about him being lined up to replace the under-fire Paul Lambert - "It would be unfair to comment while there's someone still in the job, blah-blah-blah..." - but a job offer is never too far away when the unemployed appear on Off The Ball.

Jim Jeffries, Jimmy Calderwood, Jim Delahunt and countless other previous guests have bagged a gig after guesting on the show, so it's probably only a matter of time before Owen is back in the dug-out.

Coyle is famous for enjoying a fish supper and a can of full fat Irn Bru on the Friday night before a match. So, coupled with The Bay in Stonehaven being named the UK's Best Fish and Chip Shop, we asked the listeners to nominate Scotland's top chippy.

In the week of Craig Whyte facemasks and Hearts fans' 5-1 stickers being in the news, we asked for your favourite football wind-ups.

We also touched on the Swansea ballboy story, Stuart McCall losing a tooth just seconds before being unveiled as Scotland's No.3 and, by way of wishing Andy Murray good luck in the Aussie Open, our Team of the Week was The Australia XI.

Here's another selection of the most petty and ill-informed texts and emails on radio...

THE CHIPPY

Murray, June, Vicky and Kate (on their way to "Fester" Road) said: "The best chippy in Scotland is The Gorgie Fish Bar just round the corner from Tynecastle."

Wullie the Jags fan said: "Jaconelli's chippy in Maryhill is brill. And it's very handy for Firhill."

David from Moray said: "A never-miss-stop for me when I follow the CanCans or Lossie to a Highland League game at the Broch is Findlay's - the best fish supper in Scotland."

Mike in Edinburgh said: "Tam's advice is spot on - ALWAYS ask for a single fish and a bag of chips as the batter is ruined when you put the two components together."

(NB. Tam also advised never to put vinegar on fish and chips until you arrive home - or the batter will be all soggy - and he also urged listeners - for the same reason - to request your pickled onions are wrapped seperately...)

Finally, Andy in Aberdeen said: "What's all this "chippy" chat about? The word is "chipper" - everyone knows that."

Perhaps that's a debate for another week, Andy.

FOOTBALL WIND-UPS

John in Fife said: "When Andy Goram was at Motherwell, I remember the Dundee Utd fans chanting "Belly's going to get you!" from a TV advert of the time. Andy turned round to the supporters, grabbed his gut and shook it vigorously. Great banter between fans and a player."

Jim in Glasgow said: "The DJ played 'When Will I See You Again' by The Three Degrees after the last Old Firm game at Celtic Park - priceless."

THE BAWBAG BALLBOY

Martin in Fife said: "What's a 17-year-old doing as a ballboy in the first place? Away and get a job."

Mark in Glasgow said: "The ballboy deserved a Cantona Special, not the wee tap he got from the Duke of Hazard."

Tommy Murray in Greenock said: "As a referee in the amateur ranks I watched the incident with great hilarity. If I had been in charge of the game, I'd have issued Hazard with a yellow card for unsporting behaviour and sent the ballboy off the park for being a prat."

Finally, Jim in Falkirk said: "Can you imagine a ballboy trying that sort of stunt in one of the big Ayrshire junior games?! A kick in the ribs would be the least of his worries."

DENTAL DISASTERS

Margaret in Lockerbie said: "My dad took out his plate to eat a fish supper...but he then threw the paper out the car window with his teeth wrapped up inside. We went back to find a lorry had run over them. It was the dearest fish supper ever!"

Bryan from Irvine said: "I remember when Gordan Petric clattered into Andy Goram and knocked out several of his teeth. Goram later claimed he might have given Petric alcohol poisoning of the arm."

Team of the Week

The Australia XI (aka Crocodile Dundee Utd)

Stadium: Botany Bayview

Manager: John Bondi Beach

Assistant: Aussie Ardiles

1/ Fraser Fosters

2/ Carlos Koala

3/ Gordon McQueensland

4/ Christophe Canberra

5/ Didgeridoo Wei

6/ Tommy Boomering (c)

7/ Aaron Ramsey Street

8/ Aboriginal Blinker

9/ Wayne Kangarooney

10/ Demba Barbie

11/ Darwin Jackson

To join in the fun on this Saturday's show, call 0500 929500, text 80295 or email offtheball@bbc.co.uk

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