Hello. My name is Peter Crouch. It is my great honour to be leader of That Peter Crouch Podcast, along with my deputies Tom Fordyce and Chris Stark. As the people of this great nation decide what sort of society they would like to live in, I would like to spell out our manifesto promises to you.
A Britain that is #backstronger. The people have spoken, as the anger and relentless badgering on our respective social media platforms indicates. A vote for That Peter Crouch Podcast is a vote for series three. With your support we will get our backsides in gear and release two new episodes on the very first day of 2020, plus one most weeks for ages.
Tough on Karls, tough on the causes of Karls. Seriously, there are loads of them. It's got to stop. Carls, fine. Kyles, not an issue. If you're called Karl, don't say you weren't warned.
A ban on zero-hour podcasts. All our new podcasts will be at least 40 minutes in length. Most will be over 45 minutes. The biggies might brush 50.
Two hundred more That Peter Crouch Podcast ambassadors on the streets of Britain. We were the first podcast to introduce community podcast ambassadors, back in the winter of 2018. We have seen them transform offices, schools and workplaces across the country. Let us roll out more.
Free Samrat meals for every schoolchild under the age of 12. Maybe just a discount... Free papadum or pickles for every diner? We should probably check with the people in charge of my favourite curry house in Ealing. Leave that with us.
Full roll-out of the Universal Pants system. For too long everyone except elite footballers has had to choose their own pants. Now there will be one way to get all your pants. Via the kitman. Nice one, Kev.
Community grants for £50,000 slides. Why would you not want a massive slide in your house? Sure, some people called Clancy or Abbey might complain about the cost. We will ignore them for as long as possible.
A Crouchfest for every home. This might be more difficult. Leave it with us. We'll come up with something.
So yeah. That Peter Crouch Podcast. Back Stronger. For us. For you. For everyone.
Peter, Tom and Chris