That is all from our coverage of today's European action. If you want to keep gorging yourself on football today, head over to our Premier League live text, where Tom Rostance will be guiding you through Burnley v Tottenham before Andy Cryer takes over for Sunderland v Newcastle. I'm going to go and try to scrub that Real goal music out of my head. Bye.
So, 10 goals in total, nine to Real Madrid, five to Cristiano Ronaldo. Having lost three of their previous four games, Real are back to winning ways in style. On Easter weekend they have resurrected their title bid.
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So, Cristiano Ronaldo then... That is the first time that the Portuguese has scored five goals for Real Madrid, although he has scored four before (three times, including earlier this season against Elche). His eight-minute hat-trick (his fifth this season, 24th in La Liga and 28th in all competitions) was the quickest of his Real career. He is now four goals ahead of Barcelona's Lionel Messi in La Liga scoring charts with 36. Ridiculous.
Stephen: If Messi was playing today would he have scored more than 4? I think Ronaldo will be upset with the chances he's missed!
Sean De Buitlear: CR7 has point to prove today. Not going to give up his Ballon D'or without flurry of meaningless goals against awful teams.
Johnny Magrinho: Marcelo is a ridiculous player. Whenever Real roll over a team, he's usually got a handful of assists. Utterly ruthless.
The referee puts poor Granada out of their misery. They have been torn to shreds here. It is possibly the most one-sided game you are ever going to see. Ronaldo led with five goals - his first quintet haul for Real (although he should have had more). Bale got the scoring under way and Benzema weighed in with a couple. Real close the gap between themselves and leaders Barcelona to a point. They have also closed the goal difference gap between themselves and Barca to three.
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He was always going to have the last word. It was inevitable. Ronaldo makes it five for himself and nine for Real Madrid by rising to meet a free-kick from right to head past Oier. It was a good header, but once again Granada's marking was dire. There is going to be one added minute. Enough time for Real to make it into double figures?
Iker Casillas does his bit to ensure it remains 8-1 as Eddy Pascual latches on to a chipped cross and fires a shot that is destined to nestle inside the post until the Real keeper dives to his left to block.
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Cristiano Ronaldo may have four goals but he has missed a boat-load more. He could have had a dozen this afternoon. Marcelo crosses and the Portuguese forward heads into the crowd.
The guy who does the PA at the Bernebeu will have worn that goal music button down to nothing this afternoon. He is called back into action again as a cross from the right is deflected into his own net by Diego Mainz. If he hadn't, Ronaldo was lurking behind him and would surely have converted for his fifth goal.
Ronaldo allowed Gareth Bale to take a free-kick earlier, but he's not going to give him two in a row. The Portuguese strides back and charges at the ball before swinging a shot horribly wide from 25 yards. With four goals already to his name, I'll let him off.
Another Real chance goes begging as Gareth Bale is set up by Ronaldo but sees his shot from 18 yards pushed on to the roof of the net by Oier. I'm starting to worry about Real. They haven't scored for 23 minutes. In the context of this game, that is a drought.
Martin Corbett: Embarrassing this game you wouldn't catch Burnley rolling over and getting slapped 7-0.
Chris Hatwood: At this rate you will have to change the strap line to Ronaldo scores 8 rather than 8 minute hat trick.
Van Gaal: Over 30 million pounds for Illaramendi and he only gets a game when Real are 6 up.
The comeback is on! Robert Ibanez drives through the middle of the Real defence after collecting a forward pass and steers a shot past Iker Casillas to give those poor Granada fans something to cheer.
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Cristiano Ronaldo should have five, part 2. Alvaro Arbeloa gets to the byline down the right and chips a cross into the box but Ronaldo can only toe his shot wide on the stretch.
Cristiano Ronaldo should have five. He plays a clever one-two with Gareth bale in the box but his first touch lets him down on the return as he gets the ball caught under his feet and can only dig out a shot that skips wide of the post. I tell you what, he'll kick himself if Granada score eight now.
Javier Hernandez carries on where Benzema left off by finding acres of space in the box to meet a cross from the left but he is unable to steer his header past Oier, who saves easily.
Granada keep plugging away but they have had the heart ripped out of them. Daniel Candeias cuts inside and fires a shot but Casillas is equal to it and it remains 7-0.
Ronaldo scored his hat-trick in eight minutes and four goals in 24 minutes. It is not even the first time he has scored four this season. He also managed it in a 5-1 win over Elche in September. He's a machine. Gareth Bale comes close to getting his second of the day with a dipping free-kick that flies past the post.
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Stuart Mitchell: I know Real Madrid have so much more quality than Granada, but do those players not have any pride?? Double figures.
Jay: You know it's a farce when live text commentary at #bbceurofooty can't keep up with the goal scoring rate!
James Rodriguez has been out for a while with a broken toe so it makes sense to get him off with this game well and truly won. Jese is on. Karim Benzema is also withdrawn, with Javier Hernandez getting a run-out in his place.
Granada's second change sees Fran Rico replaced with Pascual Eddy.
In between all the goals, there was a substitution as Granada withdrew Ruben Rochina and sent Piti on. I'm sure he will thank his manager for that!
Real have also opted to give Toni Kroos a rest. To be fair, he was hardly required to do anything anyway. Asier Illaramendi is his replacement.
More shambolic defending from the visitors and Karim Benzema helps himself to his second and Real's SEVENTH. The Frenchman takes his time inside the box and forces his shot through two defenders before the ball finds its way into the net via a deflection off the keeper. Over 30 minutes still to play.
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Groundhog Day. More poor Granada defending and once again I'm typing Goal - Real Madrid. It is Ronaldo again, who is bang in front of goal to stoop low and head in a flicked cross from Gareth Bale. Ruthless.
After the two-shot salvo from Granada, normal service is resumed. Karim Benzema is gifted it as he is allowed to chest the ball down from a corner (yes, chest it down) before firing in to the net. The away side have lost this game already and they are in danger of losing their dignity.
Demola Oke: Feels like #bbcfootball livetext has gone into goal highlights. Real Madrid scoring is the only thing that's coming up.
Andrew Edward Gray: Madrid must be trying to get a five a side scoreline here.
Granada start the second half with two long-range shots in 60 seconds from Daniel Candeias and Ruben Rochina (remember him?). They don't score with either of them as Casillas saves the first one and gathers the second at the second attempt. Soon after Real Madrid's Luka Modric fires one over the bar from 25 yards out.
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Ronaldo's eight-minute hat-trick is, perhaps not surprisingly, the fastest of his Real Madrid career. It's his fifth of this season alone, and his 24th in La Liga, which draws him level with Lionel Messi. It's also his 28th in all competitions for the European champions.
The Granada players would probably happily walk away from this at the break. they have another 45 minutes to endure, though. Real get us back under way, with the bit firmly between their teeth.
So, barring an absolute miracle I think we can take it for granted that Real Madrid are going to be one point behind Barcelona when the league-leaders take to the field against Celta Vigo later today. This is doing Real's goal difference no harm either. They are now on +56 and could do with a few more to make ground on Barcelona's +63 tally.
In all competitions in 2014/15, Ronaldo now has 47 goals in 44 games. That includes 34 in 26 La Liga matches.
John McEnerney: "let's remember this is the bottom team in La Liga, let's see RM against a decent side & they fair out. Flatlined since Xmas!"
Well, that was as one-sided as you are going to get. Real toyed with Granada in the early stages before tearing them a new one. Gareth Bale got the ball rolling before Cristiano Ronaldo took over with an eight-minute blitz to bag his first hat-trick since early December. It is the fifth time he has scored three or more goals in a single match this season.
Whoa, where did that come from?! Youssef El Arabi puts his foot right through one from 25 yards that beats Casillas all ends up, hammers into the underside of the bar and bounces down just the wrong side of the line. El Arabi turns around after and shrugs his shoulders. It is a gesture that almost seems to say 'what would it matter anyway?'
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I started this text commentary by suggesting that Cristiano Ronaldo had fallen short of his own high standards this year. Well scratch that because he now has an eight-minute hat-trick. His latest owes a debt to Granada keeper Oier, whose hands should push away the Portuguese's 20-yard shot but instead are weak and enable it to find the top corner of the goal. Real have equalled the score they beat Granada by ealier in the season. You suspect they are not done yet.
In the next minute Andy. Marcelo's cross from the left is palmed into the air by Granada keeper Oier but only as far as Ronaldo, who is on it in a flash to slam it into the net. Benzema fancied it himself but he simply wasn't as quick as the Portuguese. Damage limitation time for Granada.
European football writer
"It feels almost obligatory to note that Ronaldo is now joint top La Liga scorer with Messi. He'll probably overtake him in the next hour."
Real could record a rugby score here. They pour forward again after Gareth Bale shows some neat skill to turn his marker, but the Welsh forward's cross is behind his team-mates and cleared by Granada. Soon after, a chipped ball forward from Sergio Ramos just skips away from Benzema at the back post.
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This game is over already. To be honest, any one of Benzema, James or Ronaldo could have scored this second goal during a concerted period of Real pressure, that included two corners. In the end it is the latter who scores it, receiving a pass from James before firing a low shot past Oier and into the far corner of the net.
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It has been coming. Gareth Bale silences his doubters by muscling in to beat a defender to a ball towards the edge of the box before rounding the keeper and slotting in to the unguarded net. That is his 17th goal of the season and it could well open the floodgates here.
Real should be ahead. Simple as that. Marcelo gets around the back of the Granada defence on the left and chips a cross into the six-yard box where Alvaro Arbeloa is waiting unmarked in front of goal, but he somehow flicks his shot past the post. If any further evidence was needed, that shows exactly why Arbeloa is a right-back.
Luka Modric is sitting deeper in the Real Madrid midfield but with the amount of space Granada are relinquishing in front of their massed defence on the edge of their own box it is giving the Croatian license to drive forward. He does just that and tries a shot but it is blocked. Soon after, Ronaldo is caught a yard offside from a pass forward. If he had held his run a second longer, he would have been away.
Gareth Bale wins Real a corner with a shot from range that takes a deflection. From the resulting set-play, Karim Benzema rises and meets it but does not get enough contact and the ball dribbles wide. Real have been in control of the game in the early stages but they have only tested Oier once so far.
Granada's first attack almost brings them the opening goal. Real sloppily give the ball away near halfway and it allows Robert Ibanez to drive forward and fire a low shot just past the far post. That would have put the cat amongst the pigeons.
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Real are getting closer. Ronaldo throws in a couple of trademark step-overs to buy him a yard on Dimitri Foulquier before unleashing a low shot from an angle that flies into the side-netting.
Oh, almost the opening goal for Gareth Bale as a hopeful chip into the box drops between the hesitant Granada keeper and defender Juan Carlos, allowing the Welshman to nip in. Unfortunately for Real, Bale can only steer his first-time shot over the goal.
The first shot of the day goes to Real and Karim Benzema, who volleys a Toni Kroos cross to the back post on target but not with the sufficient power to beat Oier.
As you'd expect, Granada have barely touched the ball. Toni Kroos is fouled and chips a free-kick forward for Gareth Bale but away keeper Oier slides out to claim the ball at the forward's feet.
Now it is Karim Benzema's turn to be ruled offside from another Real attack. He has no excuse, either. He was looking right along the line when Luka Modric chipped his pass forward.
More pain for Ronaldo - this time of a physical nature - as he takes one in the face in trying to control on the edge of the Granada box. To rub salt in the wound he is also adjudged to be offside. Just take it on the chin, Cristiano. Oh, you have.
Ronaldo has his first dart into the Granada half and is frustrated as an away defender gets in front of him, causing him to lose control of the ball. The Real forward thinks he was body-checked, but the referee doesn't agree.
The visitors get the match under way.
The teams are on their way out at the Bernabeu. Once the formalities are complete, we'll have the first game of the day up and running.
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Who needs defensive midfielders? As expected, James Rodriguez returns for Real to re-form the feared attacking quartet with Ronaldo, Bale and Benzema. Behind them are Luka Modric and Toni Kroos. Not your archetypal foot-in battlers, but then Real probably expect to have about 75% of possession. At the back, Rafael Varane comes in for the injured Pepe.
Real Madrid: Casillas, Marcelo, Arbeloa, Varane, Ramos, Kroos, Modric, James, Bale, Ronaldo, Benzema.
Granada: Oier, Foulquier, Babin, Mainz, Juan Carlos, Iturra, Fran Rico, Robert Ibanez, Rochina, Candeias, El Arabi.
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Real's hopes of chasing down Barcelona over the remaining 10 league games of this season will be boosted by the return of one of their chief Galacticos - Colombian forward James Rodriguez, who will make his first appearance since February, having recovered from a broken bone in his foot.
However, there is undoubtedly going to be yet more focus on Rodriguez's attacking colleagues - in particular Cristiano Ronaldo, who has only (yes, only) scored 10 goals in his last 15 club games, making him seem practically human, and Gareth Bale, of whom big things will be demanded by critical home fans following his goal-scoring exploits for Wales in the international break.
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All is not lost, though, for the Avengers of football. A home win today over lowly Granada and they will reduce the gap between themselves and Barcelona to one point ahead of the league-leaders tricky trip to Celta Vigo later in the day.
And a win today is the least you would expect from Carlo Ancelotti's men against a side who are 41 points and 17 places below them in the table and whom they put four unanswered goals past back in November.
However, if they do get beat you've got to hope that Gareth Bale hasn't parked his car anywhere public.
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Three losses in five games, defeat to their fiercest rivals, top spot relinquished, the star player suffering a rare dip in form (by his own high standards), and a record signing who is getting hammered by his own fans. It is fair to say that Real Madrid's season took something of a turn for the worst in March.
It is all a far cry from the turn of the year, when they were on a Spanish record 22-game winning run, having just won the Club World Cup as part of a quest for four trophies this season. With the Copa del Ray gone, city rivals Atletico standing in the way of them reclaiming the Champions League and Barcelona currently holding a four-point lead in La Liga, they could well end up with an unexpected abundance of unused Brasso over the summer.