There's a brief report already up on the website. Here it is. I'm off to flesh it out a bit. Thanks for your company - see you soon.
- Stoke: Haugaard; Bardsley, Cameron, Wollscheid, Pieters; Whelan, Imbula; Afellay, Bojan, Arnautovic; Joselu.
- Swansea: Fabianski; Rangel, Fernandez, Williams, Naughton; Cork, Fer, Britton; Sigurdsson; Routledge, Gomis.
- Jakob Haugaard makes his Premier League debut for Stoke; Jack Butland injured.
That is indeed that.
Joselu sees the opportunity of a dramatic winner as we enter the fag end of the three minutes of added time. The Stoke striker pounces on Jack Cork's weak clearance, but the shot from outside the area is gathered easily by keeper Lukasz Fabianski. That might just be that.
Jefferson Montero is chasing a winner as we head into stoppage time. He races at goal from the left, there are men in the centre... and he dribbles a shot harmlessly wide of the near post. I can feel the thousand-yard stares of his team-mates from here.
The Stoke fans are stunned by what they have seen over the last quarter-of-an-hour. Marko Arnautovic tries to rescue things with a free-kick, but the ball brushes the outside of the netting. It's been a very odd game, this. Very entertaining, but thoroughly odd.
And how the substitutions have worked for Francesco Guidolin. It is not Montero who gets the equaliser, though, but Alberto Paloschi, the other sub. He gathers the ball just outside the penalty area, and beats Jakob Haugaard at the near post with the help of a deflection. Who's your money on now?
Jefferson Montero has made a huge difference since coming on. Stoke look terrified every time the winger collects the ball on the left. He drifts the ball just too far for Alberto Paloschi to reach on this occasion, but there may well be more chances.
Stoke manager Mark Hughes, looking to give his side a more solid look, take off the artful Bojan Krkic and send on Mame Biram Diouf.
Another change by Francesco Guidolin: a straight swap this time. Bafetimbi Gomis is off and fellow striker Alberto Paloschi is on. If Swansea save this, Guidolin will deserve credit for the changes he has made in the second half.
He's a classy player is Gylfi Sigurdsson, and he has given Stoke a few jitters. Wayne Routledge gets away down the right, and his low ball across finds the Iceland international on the edge of the penalty area. The shot on the turn completely bamboozles Jakob Haugaard. There may or may not have been a slight deflection, but not enough to confuse the goalkeeper that much. Haugaard is left flat-footed, and a little embarrassed.
We could have had a third Stoke goal. Marko Arnautovic gets down the left and crosses low for Joselu - who is not quite sharp enough to anticipate it, and just cannot get there.
Francesco Guidolin has to do something to try to salvage a match that is getting away at great speed. The Swansea coach's response is to replace holding midfielder Leon Britton with winger Jefferson Montero. The Ecuador international has happy memories of facing Stoke - he scored his first Swansea goal against them last May. Can he make a difference now?
Former Leicester and Aston Villa forward on Final Score
"If Stoke keep things very, very quiet and don't let anybody know what they are doing and what they are achieving then they have a great chance of getting into Europe.
"Mark Hughes is pulling up trees and doing great with that squad."
And now Stoke are showing off a little. Marko Arnautovic cuts in from the left, and sets up Giannelli Imbula on the edge of the penalty area. A low shot is steered goalwards. Lukasz Fabianski gathers comfortably, but the Stoke fans applaud warmly.
Bojan Krkic gathers the ball 40 yards from goal, and fancies a run. And so off he goes, with Swansea unable to prevent his progress. When he reaches the edge of the penalty area, he strokes a left-foot shot towards the far corner. Keeper Lukasz Fabianski should save it, really - he gets a strong hand to the ball. But it will look nice on Match of the Day tonight.
Meanwhile, Bafetimbi Gomis is offside. Which would have been a great title for a Samuel Beckett play, I feel.
It's as you were at the start of the second half, with no changes by either side. There's an early contretemps as Stoke centre-back Philipp Wollscheid, up for a corner, accidentally boots Swansea defender Federico Fernandez in the face. Fernandez has the anguished face of a man who might write a strongly-worded letter to the local paper about the matter. I don't think he will, though.
As the second half gets under way, some people are questioning whether we really did just get Little Mix to go through the half-time stats. All I'd say is: Look at the picture. It's them.
As Little Mix blare out over Stoke's public address system, let's get them to go through the half-time stats with us.
"Well, Mike, both teams have had six shots on goal (two on target for Stoke, one for Swansea), and the possession has been pretty even - 50.6% for the home side, 49.4% for the visitors. There's a big difference in the foul count, though - Swansea have conceded nine, Stoke three. And while Mark Hughes' side have won 27 duels, Francesco Guidolin's team have come out on top in just 15."
Little Mix with the half-time stats, there, with a little help from Opta. Thanks, Little Mix!
Stoke are very good value for their half-time lead.
Jakob Haugaard has not had much to do in Stoke's goal so far, and has not looked entirely convincing when he has been called into action. But the Premier League debutant makes a decent stop here, diving to hold Jack Cork's shot from the edge of the penalty area following Bafetimbi Gomis' tee-up.
MOTD commentator at the Britannia Stadium
"Ashley Williams is one of the few outfield players not to have missed a minute of Premier League football this season. He might miss the next game through suspension if he's not careful."
Swansea captain Ashley Williams is wobbling atop that disciplinary tightrope amid gasps from the watching crowd. Already on a booking, Williams clatters into the back of Joselu inside the centre circle. It is a free-kick only.
Bafetimbi Gomis scored in each of his first four matches this season. He has scored two in 26 games since as Swansea's early-season promise faded and their league position worsened. Now he receives the ball 25 yards out. Is this his moment? Well, look at the score at the top of this entry, and figure it out for yourself. Here's a clue: The ball whizzed at least 10 feet over the crossbar.
Marko Arnautovic appears to be suffering no ill-effects after injuring his knee a few moments ago. The sun has now disappeared at the Britannia Stadium, where winter never seems to be far away.
Terrific from former Barcelona youngster Bojan Krkic, who is wonderful to watch when he's on his game. A mazy run from the halfway line is Messi-esque, before a sideways pass to the unmarked Ibrahim Afellay, whose finish is just messy - sliced into the away fans behind the goal.
Swansea winger Wayne Routledge clips Stoke full-back Phil Bardsley, and referee Martin Atkinson decides to have a quiet word. Now it may be the angle that I'm looking at this, but Atkinson appears to accidentally flick Routledge round the ear as he is giving the talking to. Routledge winces.
And yet, it could have been two. As Swansea's foul count mounts, Glenn Whelan floats a free-kick into the penalty area, and Joselu climbs unchallenged 12 yards out. There's not quite enough pace in the delivery for the striker to work with, though, and the header is held comfortably by Lukasz Fabianski.
MOTD commentator at the Britannia Stadium
"Stoke have been well on top here, but just the one goal to show for their control of the game."
Marko Arnautovic has gone to ground banging the floor in frustration after being tackled by Jack Cork. I don't think it was necessarily the challenge itself that caused the problem, but the Stoke forward has a problem with his left knee here. He hobbles to his feet, and looks as if he is going to try to carry on for now.
Ashley Williams is having a tough old afternoon here. Swansea's captain goes piling in to send Joselu flying. Referee Martin Atkinson is satisfied that the challenge was not malicious, but the yellow card is deserved. Joselu gets to his feet after treatment, and Stoke have the free-kick.
Not a great moment for Swansea's defenders, that goal. Television replays show Kyle Naughton and Ashley Williams switching off as Afellay finds the space to head in.
Swansea had a brief flurry of pressure immediately following that goal, but the home defence held firm.
I spent my 30th birthday - a few years ago now - having a thoroughly miserable time in a central Manchester bar as two drunk football fans kept hassling me and my friends. Ibrahim Afellay's 30th birthday, by contrast, is a much happier one.
The Dutch midfielder is left unattended to head in Marko Arnautovic's left-wing cross, as Swansea's defenders appeal for offside. It is not offside.
Bright sunshine at the Britannia. Swansea are looking good in the early stages. Bafetimbi Gomis, who is nobody's idea of a prolific striker these days, has a shot deflected behind for a corner.
When the ball is played in, Jakob Haugaard's punch travels about 20 feet up in the air without getting anywhere near leaving the penalty area. "An eccentric attempt to clear," suggests Match of the Day's Alistair Mann.
Swansea have an early sight of goal as a corner is cleared to the feet of the experienced Leon Britton, whose 25-yard shot sails over the bar.
MOTD commentator at the Britannia Stadium
"Plenty of absentees for Stoke this afternoon, but it really shows the quality of Mark Hughes' squad that he's still got a very, very experienced line-up indeed."
Anyway, we're off. Stoke are in red and white stripes, Swansea are in their horrible away strip of dark blue and lime green.
Anyway, here's Guidolin on the rumours that Brendan Rodgers might be taking his job.
“I am not worried because this is my job," he says. "I know my job. I have experience and for me it is important to save my team. When I was appointed, this was the target. My future is the present."
There's a slightly confusing moment during the pre-match interviews as Sky Sports' Vinny O'Connor, working for the Premier League's international broadcast feed, asks Swansea head coach Francesco Guidolin about an old score he has to settle with Stoke manager Mark Hughes.
O'Connor was casting his mind back to 1998, when Hughes, then playing as a striker for Chelsea, scored a spectacular volley to deny Guidolin's Vicenza side a place in the final fo the European Cup Winners' Cup. (Remember that?)
Guidolin, in no apparent mood to reminisce, dodges the question entirely with the blandest of answers.
“Mark Hughes was one of my favourite players in the past when he played in the Premier League," Guidolin says. "He’s a good guy and a good trainer. I am happy to meet him this afternoon." Thanks, Francesco.
At the age of 39 years and 348 days, Shay Given could have become Stoke’s oldest debutant had he started today. However, manager Mark Hughes has instead gone with Dane Jakob Haugaard, 16 years Given's junior.
“Shay has great experience but hasn’t had a great deal of training,” says Hughes, mindful of the fact that the Republic of Ireland international has had a long absence with a knee injury this season.
“Jacob’s done really well training wise and he’s up to speed.”
Neville Southall is currently Stoke's oldest debutant, since you ask. He played a dozen games for them in 1998. Yes, I'd forgotten that too.
Three changes for Swansea; Kyle Naughton, Leon Britton and Wayne Routledge are in; Stephen Kingsley, Ki Sung-yueng and Modou Barrow drop out. Gambia’s Barrow and Ecuador’s Jefferson Montero only returned from international duty on Friday, with the latter on the bench.